For those of you who have been following me on Resolute Fat Girl, I want you to know just how much I've appreciated your support. My journey is far from over, and I hope you will join me on the next leg.
I've started a new blog at Spoons Full of Sugar. Trying to keep up with multiple blogs got to be too much for me and led to no blogging. I wanted one blog where I could share EVERYTHING I was passionate about - getting healthy, scrapbooking, soccer, the pugs, and more.
I hope you will check it out and follow me. Hope to see you there!
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Monday, September 2, 2013
Depressed Fat Girl
When I started this journey and started this blog, I promised for better or for worse. The past month? That would be for the worst.
I've been suffering from a bad case of depression - the deep, dark kind. The fact that I had hit a plateau with my weight loss and wasn't going to the gym as much didn't help. I don't know why, but there's a betrayal that I just can't get past. I've tried and tried, and I am so frustrated with myself. If this person can turn their back on me treat me like trash, why can't I just accept it is their loss and move on? Ugh! So frustrating!
Well, about half way through August, I just gave up; and I quit listening to that little voice of reason in my head. Oh, it was still there, still talking to me. I heard it every morning, "Amy, you don't need those Timbits. Amy, are you honestly ordering a 20 piece? Amy, this will not make you feel better. Amy, don't you remember how sick the last 20 piece made you?" But, I had returned to my old coping methods - food.
Let's take a second to do a little math. Timbits, my new obsession . . . at an average of 67 calories each, that's a costly obsession. My favorite kind (sour cream) also happen to be the highest calories at a whopping 90 each. That means, I was consuming between 670-900 calories in just Timbits; and I was having either a bacon, egg and cheese croissant from Burger King or a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit from Tim Hortons with my Timbits. Most mornings, I was having 10 of the sour cream for 900 calories. Then there's the mornings where I went with a 20 piece for 1,340 calories. I was consuming almost my days worth of calories in doughnut holes. Heaven help me . . .
A week ago, I pulled myself up by my big girl panties. I climbed up on the scale, and I faced my punishment - up 21 pounds. With tears in my eyes, I took my Cheshire cat charm off my bracelet and then my soccer ball. Still fighting the depression, without my normal coping mechanism, made for a long week. There were a lot of tears - a lot. Then there was the day where I stress ate an entire bag of Cheetos. Granted they were the healthy, all natural, baked variety; but they still came to 600 calories. That left me very hungry and with only 400 calories for dinner; and I came home, went to bed, and cried myself to sleep.
In the end, through a lot of tears and a RESOLUTE mindset, I managed to stay within my calories every day, record everything I ate, and attend 4 water aerobics classes that were anywhere from 60-80 minutes each. The results? It's more than just the scale, but I'm happy to say - I lost 10 of those 21 pounds. More importantly, I can feel the clouds of depression lifting. I know I owe a lot of that to getting back into the gym, but I also know it is because of the prayers and positive thoughts from my friends and family. I appreciate that more than I can ever say.
As I don't see the depression causing factors of my life going away any time soon, I know I will face these demons again. I just pray that next time I will have finally learned my lesson.
I've been suffering from a bad case of depression - the deep, dark kind. The fact that I had hit a plateau with my weight loss and wasn't going to the gym as much didn't help. I don't know why, but there's a betrayal that I just can't get past. I've tried and tried, and I am so frustrated with myself. If this person can turn their back on me treat me like trash, why can't I just accept it is their loss and move on? Ugh! So frustrating!
Well, about half way through August, I just gave up; and I quit listening to that little voice of reason in my head. Oh, it was still there, still talking to me. I heard it every morning, "Amy, you don't need those Timbits. Amy, are you honestly ordering a 20 piece? Amy, this will not make you feel better. Amy, don't you remember how sick the last 20 piece made you?" But, I had returned to my old coping methods - food.
Let's take a second to do a little math. Timbits, my new obsession . . . at an average of 67 calories each, that's a costly obsession. My favorite kind (sour cream) also happen to be the highest calories at a whopping 90 each. That means, I was consuming between 670-900 calories in just Timbits; and I was having either a bacon, egg and cheese croissant from Burger King or a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit from Tim Hortons with my Timbits. Most mornings, I was having 10 of the sour cream for 900 calories. Then there's the mornings where I went with a 20 piece for 1,340 calories. I was consuming almost my days worth of calories in doughnut holes. Heaven help me . . .
A week ago, I pulled myself up by my big girl panties. I climbed up on the scale, and I faced my punishment - up 21 pounds. With tears in my eyes, I took my Cheshire cat charm off my bracelet and then my soccer ball. Still fighting the depression, without my normal coping mechanism, made for a long week. There were a lot of tears - a lot. Then there was the day where I stress ate an entire bag of Cheetos. Granted they were the healthy, all natural, baked variety; but they still came to 600 calories. That left me very hungry and with only 400 calories for dinner; and I came home, went to bed, and cried myself to sleep.
In the end, through a lot of tears and a RESOLUTE mindset, I managed to stay within my calories every day, record everything I ate, and attend 4 water aerobics classes that were anywhere from 60-80 minutes each. The results? It's more than just the scale, but I'm happy to say - I lost 10 of those 21 pounds. More importantly, I can feel the clouds of depression lifting. I know I owe a lot of that to getting back into the gym, but I also know it is because of the prayers and positive thoughts from my friends and family. I appreciate that more than I can ever say.
As I don't see the depression causing factors of my life going away any time soon, I know I will face these demons again. I just pray that next time I will have finally learned my lesson.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Making Up For Lost Time
Two posts in one day?! What?! I guess I'm just trying to make up for lost time!
Today was good. I ate what I was supposed to, stayed within my calories, and had a hard workout.
Check out my food journal for today! I don't know how I could have hit any closer to my goal. I ended the day with 2 remaining calories. Of course, that was all before going to the gym which burned a whopping 1,366 calories!!!
Speaking of the gym . . . holy moly! I started with 25 minutes of circuit training before heading off to water aerobics. Jo normally teaches water aerobics on Mondays and Wednesdays but is out with foot surgery. Filling in is the Saturday morning teacher, Sherri. I've been wanting to take a class from Sherri (ever since the unfortunate doody in the pool incident). When Sherri walked in that Saturday, she was carrying this bag full of spiky balls, and I've been dying to know what she does with them! Well, tonight, I got to find out and like I said HOLY MOLY! I thought Jo worked us hard! Sherri worked us H-A-R-D! Ever since I started doing water aerobics, I've wanted that "I feel like a wet noodle" experience from working so hard. Well, Sherri gave me that tonight! Holy moly!
It was hard, I hurt, and I LOVE it!!! I can't wait until Wednesday night to do it all over again!
Today was good. I ate what I was supposed to, stayed within my calories, and had a hard workout.
Check out my food journal for today! I don't know how I could have hit any closer to my goal. I ended the day with 2 remaining calories. Of course, that was all before going to the gym which burned a whopping 1,366 calories!!!
Speaking of the gym . . . holy moly! I started with 25 minutes of circuit training before heading off to water aerobics. Jo normally teaches water aerobics on Mondays and Wednesdays but is out with foot surgery. Filling in is the Saturday morning teacher, Sherri. I've been wanting to take a class from Sherri (ever since the unfortunate doody in the pool incident). When Sherri walked in that Saturday, she was carrying this bag full of spiky balls, and I've been dying to know what she does with them! Well, tonight, I got to find out and like I said HOLY MOLY! I thought Jo worked us hard! Sherri worked us H-A-R-D! Ever since I started doing water aerobics, I've wanted that "I feel like a wet noodle" experience from working so hard. Well, Sherri gave me that tonight! Holy moly!
It was hard, I hurt, and I LOVE it!!! I can't wait until Wednesday night to do it all over again!
The Ugly Truth
When I started this blog, I actually married it - for better or for worse. Lately, we seem to be in the worse arena.
As many of you have suspected, this fat girl fell off the wagon. I can't believe it has been almost 2 months since I last blogged. Granted, I haven't been going crazy. There have been stretches where I have been eating healthy and exercising, but there have also been times where I've gone through McDonalds and ordered 2 hot fudge sundaes because they're just so small. There have been times when I've eaten half a pizza. There have been times when I've eaten a 20 count Timbits for breakfast. Yes, I am ashamed; but I can't change the past. All I can do is move forward.
This morning, I climbed back on the scale. The ugly truth? From my lowest weight during this journey, I am up 15 pounds. My gut instinct? Curl up in a ball of depression with a pint of Ben and Jerry's. What am I going to do instead? Dust myself off, climb back on that horse, and ride my heart out!
This morning . . .
As many of you have suspected, this fat girl fell off the wagon. I can't believe it has been almost 2 months since I last blogged. Granted, I haven't been going crazy. There have been stretches where I have been eating healthy and exercising, but there have also been times where I've gone through McDonalds and ordered 2 hot fudge sundaes because they're just so small. There have been times when I've eaten half a pizza. There have been times when I've eaten a 20 count Timbits for breakfast. Yes, I am ashamed; but I can't change the past. All I can do is move forward.
This morning, I climbed back on the scale. The ugly truth? From my lowest weight during this journey, I am up 15 pounds. My gut instinct? Curl up in a ball of depression with a pint of Ben and Jerry's. What am I going to do instead? Dust myself off, climb back on that horse, and ride my heart out!
This morning . . .
- Instead of keeping my head in the sand, I got back on the scale and faced what I had done!
- Instead of running to McDonalds or Wendy's, I packed myself a healthy lunch which required me to even go out into the garden in the rain!
- Instead of grabbing a box of Timbits, I made my protein shake!
- Instead of running through Burger King for an Orange Sprite Zero (still no Diet Coke, but I've been lying to myself and drinking Sprite Zero), I filled my glass up with water!
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Name Change
I'm thinking of changing my name from Resolute Fat Girl to Frustrated Fat Girl.
Why? Stress eating! GGGGGGRRRRRR!!!!!
The hubby and I both did some stupid stress eating last night. A large Pappa John's six cheese pizza with pepperoni and a 8 inch chocolate chip cookie pizza (which is CRAZY good by the way!) later, we are both feeling like crappy failures. If one chocolate chip cookie from Wendy's is 390 calories, I shudder to think how many calories we ate with just the cookie. (shuddering)
What are we stressed about? Our little Princess Piglet is a very sick little girl, and we do not know what's wrong. Her and I were at the vet for almost an hour yesterday, and the vet is running more blood work. He is supposed to call me this morning. In the meantime, I'm trying to stay away from chocolate and choke down my anxiety.
Our little furry, four legged children are our world. Having one of them sick and not having any control or being able to do anything is taking a toll. Prayers will be much appreciated.
Why? Stress eating! GGGGGGRRRRRR!!!!!
The hubby and I both did some stupid stress eating last night. A large Pappa John's six cheese pizza with pepperoni and a 8 inch chocolate chip cookie pizza (which is CRAZY good by the way!) later, we are both feeling like crappy failures. If one chocolate chip cookie from Wendy's is 390 calories, I shudder to think how many calories we ate with just the cookie. (shuddering)
What are we stressed about? Our little Princess Piglet is a very sick little girl, and we do not know what's wrong. Her and I were at the vet for almost an hour yesterday, and the vet is running more blood work. He is supposed to call me this morning. In the meantime, I'm trying to stay away from chocolate and choke down my anxiety.
Our little furry, four legged children are our world. Having one of them sick and not having any control or being able to do anything is taking a toll. Prayers will be much appreciated.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Dear Resolve, Where Have You Gone?
The hubby reminded me last night that I needed to do a post. When I asked why, he said, "You haven't done one in awhile." Well, yeah, that's true.
We've had quite a bit of life getting in the way. Our little Piglet has been sick, my grandmother has been in the hospital, Philip has been out of town, and I've been stress eating. I literally have a war raging inside of me. Old Amy wants to eat everything and anything. Resolute Amy keeps yelling at her, "We've come so far! You know you really don't want or need that! You know this is just your emotions! You know this is only going to make things worse!" Several times Old Amy told Resolute Amy to put a cork in it, but Resolute Amy has been right every time.
Why do we ignore ourselves? I ignored Resolute Amy all last week, and I wanted to ignore her yesterday. Tuesday was a bad, dark day for this Resolute Fat Girl. It was extremely dark. There were tears, and an overwhelming desire to give up everything. I can't even begin to describe how I felt yesterday.
BUT I white knuckled it! I drank my water, I counted what I ate, I cried, I wallowed in self pity, but I made it through. When Panera gave me a full turkey sandwich of some kind instead of the 1/2 roasted turkey avocado I ordered, I ate the turkey, veggies, and bread (ditched the cheese) and gave the other half to a friend (shout out Nancy!). When Dairy Queen, Wendy's, KFC, Arby's, and Handels called my name, I gripped the steering wheel and drove on past. I may have cried and thought, "Whoa is me, this is just too hard, I just don't want to go on"; but I did.
So, I'm still bouncing around between -50 and -55. Last week I lost a pound, this week I gained it back. (For the record, I consider myself blessed for only gaining a pound!) As of now, I am at -51. Still pretty impressive! That's in 6 months!
The plan for today? Record what I eat. Eat every 2-3 hours. Eat fat loss plates. Drink regular water in between bottles of fizzy water. Hit the gym after work. I've got 9 pounds to lose to get my next bead, and I would LOVE to have that bead by June 12th! That's 2 weeks! COME ON AMY!
We've had quite a bit of life getting in the way. Our little Piglet has been sick, my grandmother has been in the hospital, Philip has been out of town, and I've been stress eating. I literally have a war raging inside of me. Old Amy wants to eat everything and anything. Resolute Amy keeps yelling at her, "We've come so far! You know you really don't want or need that! You know this is just your emotions! You know this is only going to make things worse!" Several times Old Amy told Resolute Amy to put a cork in it, but Resolute Amy has been right every time.
Why do we ignore ourselves? I ignored Resolute Amy all last week, and I wanted to ignore her yesterday. Tuesday was a bad, dark day for this Resolute Fat Girl. It was extremely dark. There were tears, and an overwhelming desire to give up everything. I can't even begin to describe how I felt yesterday.
BUT I white knuckled it! I drank my water, I counted what I ate, I cried, I wallowed in self pity, but I made it through. When Panera gave me a full turkey sandwich of some kind instead of the 1/2 roasted turkey avocado I ordered, I ate the turkey, veggies, and bread (ditched the cheese) and gave the other half to a friend (shout out Nancy!). When Dairy Queen, Wendy's, KFC, Arby's, and Handels called my name, I gripped the steering wheel and drove on past. I may have cried and thought, "Whoa is me, this is just too hard, I just don't want to go on"; but I did.
So, I'm still bouncing around between -50 and -55. Last week I lost a pound, this week I gained it back. (For the record, I consider myself blessed for only gaining a pound!) As of now, I am at -51. Still pretty impressive! That's in 6 months!
The plan for today? Record what I eat. Eat every 2-3 hours. Eat fat loss plates. Drink regular water in between bottles of fizzy water. Hit the gym after work. I've got 9 pounds to lose to get my next bead, and I would LOVE to have that bead by June 12th! That's 2 weeks! COME ON AMY!
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Here We Are Now, Entertain Us!
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
I thought everyone might enjoy a little Nirvana tonight! It is pretty fitting for what I want to talk about tonight for a couple of reasons.
First, I find most exercise EXTREMELY boring. The treadmill bores me to T-E-A-R-S. (I blame my self diagnosed adult ADD.) I think that's why I like water aerobics and circuit training the best - I'm not doing the same thing for more than a minute or two. Tonight, I decided to entertain myself by doing the rowing machine during Zumba. I am always fascinated by people dancing, and I love the music. So, there I sat, rowing away, watching everyone shake their money makers. I might as well have been singing, "Here I am now, entertain me!"
Second, I might not smell like teen spirit* . . . unless team spirit smells like a sweaty, 30 something year old gal; BUT I really worked it tonight - 45 minutes on the treadmill, 15 minutes of circuit training, and 20 minutes on the rowing machine.
*Mom, Smells Like Teen Spirit was a song by the band Nirvana.
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
I thought everyone might enjoy a little Nirvana tonight! It is pretty fitting for what I want to talk about tonight for a couple of reasons.
First, I find most exercise EXTREMELY boring. The treadmill bores me to T-E-A-R-S. (I blame my self diagnosed adult ADD.) I think that's why I like water aerobics and circuit training the best - I'm not doing the same thing for more than a minute or two. Tonight, I decided to entertain myself by doing the rowing machine during Zumba. I am always fascinated by people dancing, and I love the music. So, there I sat, rowing away, watching everyone shake their money makers. I might as well have been singing, "Here I am now, entertain me!"
Second, I might not smell like teen spirit* . . . unless team spirit smells like a sweaty, 30 something year old gal; BUT I really worked it tonight - 45 minutes on the treadmill, 15 minutes of circuit training, and 20 minutes on the rowing machine.
*Mom, Smells Like Teen Spirit was a song by the band Nirvana.
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