Monday, October 31, 2011

Scary Halloween!

Well, the day has finally arrived - my first truly bad day.  I knew this day would come - the day that would push my resolve to the limit. 

I went into the day dreading it.  I had such a fabulous time in Kentucky that it made me dread returning to work all that much more.  Let's face it - Mondays are usually rough.  This one was rougher.  Still, I woke up excited to see my weigh-in results. 

I know I had some "bad" days, but I also worked really hard.  I passed on chocolate cake and cookies, walked more, drank lots of water.  I wouldn't have been surprised by a loss, but I also wouldn't have been disappointed by a 1-2 pound gain.  When I climbed on the scale and saw a 6 pound gain, I can't lie - it hurt.  Actually, I didn't believe it.  I returned to the scale 3 more times to see if I was crazy.  I wasn't.  While I know I made some mistakes, I still don't believe they were 6 pound mistakes.

Enter the voices in my head. 
  • "Amy, you've been losing 5+ pounds per week.  This is just your body's way of adjusting itself.  Your average is still really great.  And look at the pants you're wear!  They use to be grossly tight, and now they fit!  And those jeans you were wearing this weekend!  They use to cut you in two, and now you can pull them away from your waist a good 3 or 4 inches!  And!  You feel so much better!  Climbing up the hill and steps this weekend wasn't hard at all!  Now, you made some bad choices the past few days.  It's now time to move forward and learn from those mistakes.  Let's start by downing some water and living by the 'write it before you bite it' rule."
  • "Aw, screw it!  I knew this wouldn't work!  Let's go to McDonald's and have a nice big steak, egg, and cheese bagel for breakfast.  This is just too hard and not worth it if you're just going to gain it all back."
I'm happy to report that voice #2 did not win.  It took some fighting, but I kept it at bay.  It was there most of the day - taunting and tempting me - telling me I was a failure.  As the day grew continually worse, voice #2 grew continually louder.  

Why tell you this?  I tell you this to show that this isn't an easy journey; but if you hold tight to the goal, you can reach your destination.  I also tell you this to show I'm not perfect.  Lord, knows I'm not perfect.  If you're out there wanting to start a journey of your own, I'm here to encourage you just as many of you have encouraged me. 

Today wasn't all bad.  Something REALLY GREAT happened!  I ignored voice #2!!!  I logged my food before eating it!  I drank my water!  I carried around a basket full of Halloween candy and had only 3 pieces.  Three pieces that I 1) checked the nutrition before eating  2) recorded in my food journal  3) enjoyed because I could!

I leave you with this to show you just how bad my day was.  After all, a picture is worth a 1,000 words.  Yes, I went to work like that.  No, I had no idea.  No, I've never even mismatch my socks before!  BUT, check out the pedometer on my left shoe and the bagginess of my pants!!!

No comments: