Saturday, January 12, 2013

Adventures of Laverne & Shirley

After today's adventures, I'm definitely changing my name to Laverne!  This was the scene from today's water aerobics:
That's right ladies and gents!  We had a doodie in the pool, and it wasn't the kind Bill Murray would eat!

Here's how it all went down.  After dragging my decreasing butt out of bed early on a Saturday, I shimmied into my new bathing suite (courtesy of Shirley!) and headed to the gym.  I was looking forward to a new water aerobics class.  I had heard that this instructor does all kinds of different things.

My partner in crime and I, waded into the pool and started our warmup (aka we gossip and float about).  As more and more ladies and even a guy got into the pool, I noticed something dark on the bottom of the pool.  I figured it was a drain or something I hadn't noticed before, but I still nudged it with my foot.  Well, drains don't move; so I pointed it out to Shirley.  "Shirley, what's that?"  Funny thing, this was the first time Shirley had worn her glasses into the pool, so I got an, "I don't know.  Does it move?"  Yes, she too shoved it with her shoe.  (Thank goodness we wear water shoes!)  After nudging it about a bit, Shirley requested two pool noodles so she could "tweezer it up".  That made me laugh so hard!  You can't even get those to sink let alone use them to pick something off the bottom of the pool! 

Since the tweezer maneuver didn't work, Shirley proceeded to kick it down the pool like a little soccer ball in hopes that the shallow water would provide a better view.  As she did this, I retrieved a skimmer net.  Yes, by this point, we had created quite a stir.  You can only imagine.  The stir only grew as Shirley brought up the net, and we discovered that YES it was a turd!  A little brown turd! 

The instructor quickly retrieved it and took it to the desk.  She was quite disturbed and completely understood if we didn't want to do the class.  You better believe Shirley and I were already out of the water and headed to the showers to scald off a layer of skin!  As we were finishing, the rest of the ladies were coming into the locker room as they had closed the pool.

Now, my friend James tells me that the fact the turd was on the bottom of the pool, the pooper was apparently on a low fat diet.  Normally, I would say that James doesn't know shit; but in this case, he does!  It's the fat in the poo that makes it float.

On another note, we were a bit freaked out when they opened the pool an hour later; but due to my Googling skills, I have discovered that the CDC says not all fecal incidents are the same.  A "formed stool incident" is much better than a diarrhea incident.  The formed stool keeps any germs contained.  As long as it is promptly removed, the risk of contamination is much less.  The CDC also lists the php and chlorine levels to which a pool should be raised after a fecal incident.  (Hee, hee, I'm really enjoying the use of fecal incident!)  With a formed stool incident, it can take up to only 30 minutes before the pool is inhabitable again.

Regardless, I'm relieved we will not be in the pool again until Tuesday!  I never thought I would use the word "poop" so many times in one day!  Seeing that little brown disk of a turd come up in that net definitely got my heart racing!

1 comment:

Shirley said...

This is so funny Amy! At least we could laugh about it! Love your posts!