Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Dear Resolve, Where Have You Gone?

The hubby reminded me last night that I needed to do a post.  When I asked why, he said, "You haven't done one in awhile."  Well, yeah, that's true.

We've had quite a bit of life getting in the way.  Our little Piglet has been sick, my grandmother has been in the hospital, Philip has been out of town, and I've been stress eating.  I literally have a war raging inside of me.  Old Amy wants to eat everything and anything.  Resolute Amy keeps yelling at her, "We've come so far!  You know you really don't want or need that!  You know this is just your emotions!  You know this is only going to make things worse!"  Several times Old Amy told Resolute Amy to put a cork in it, but Resolute Amy has been right every time.

Why do we ignore ourselves?  I ignored Resolute Amy all last week, and I wanted to ignore her yesterday.  Tuesday was a bad, dark day for this Resolute Fat Girl.  It was extremely dark.  There were tears, and an overwhelming desire to give up everything.  I can't even begin to describe how I felt yesterday.

BUT I white knuckled it!  I drank my water, I counted what I ate, I cried, I wallowed in self pity, but I made it through.  When Panera gave me a full turkey sandwich of some kind instead of the 1/2 roasted turkey avocado I ordered, I ate the turkey, veggies, and bread (ditched the cheese) and gave the other half to a friend (shout out Nancy!).  When Dairy Queen, Wendy's, KFC, Arby's, and Handels called my name, I gripped the steering wheel and drove on past.  I may have cried and thought, "Whoa is me, this is just too hard, I just don't want to go on"; but I did.

So, I'm still bouncing around between -50 and -55.  Last week I lost a pound, this week I gained it back.  (For the record, I consider myself blessed for only gaining a pound!)  As of now, I am at -51.  Still pretty impressive!  That's in 6 months!

The plan for today?  Record what I eat.  Eat every 2-3 hours.  Eat fat loss plates.  Drink regular water in between bottles of fizzy water.  Hit the gym after work.  I've got 9 pounds to lose to get my next bead, and I would LOVE to have that bead by June 12th!  That's 2 weeks!  COME ON AMY!

5 comments:

Jamie said...

51 Pounds is amazing. My emotions tend to control my eating as well... :( Ugh I feel worse afterwards...

Shirley said...

It's funny I had just doubled checked two days ago to see if I was missing any blog posts again. I'm glad to see you posting again. I still think even once a week is a good amount. I know you have a lot going on right now. I do know you will GET THAT BEAD by the 12th!!!

I am keeping you, your Grandma, and Piglet in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there Amy. And thank Philip for being concerned and being there for you! It's great to have a hubby supporting you all the way. Even in things like your blog!

Mom said...

Hi Kiddo , I'm so glad to see this blog from you . There is something about this point in your weight loss goal that gets you stuck but I know this time you will not give up and go back . You are learning so much so that you will be able to make it work for a lifetime . Just hang in there , its your emotions fighting against you but just remember how fantastic your emotions felt as you were losing and getting smaller clothes . Most important how better you are feeling by eating healthy . You will get another bead soon !!! Love and prayers , Mom

Ginger said...

If you have the ability to listen to podcasts, I would recommend Half Size Me. I find inspiration and motivation from listening to others successes and pulling ideas from what has or has not worked for them.
Keep it up Amy, as you are an inspiration to me!
-Ginger

Ginger said...

If you have the ability to listen to podcasts, I would recommend Half Size Me. I find inspiration and motivation from listening to others successes and pulling ideas from what has or has not worked for them.
Keep it up Amy, as you are an inspiration to me!
-Ginger